Ten more years and I might actually have this essay finished...

Someday, I will have kids, and if one of those kids ends up being a girl, I will name her Jane.
I will force little Jane to read all the major works of Jane Austen, as well as any literary criticism in print on the subject, until she knows everything from the laws of inheritance to the different types of carriages and what they represent in terms of wealth. Following this horrible (yet sometimes enjoyable) form of torture, we will bond over the various versions of each film adaptation, and quite possibly the biggest bowl of ice cream known to man.

Why do this, you ask? Why create such a monster?
Because I have now spent almost an entire semester studying Jane Austen and unintentionally become an mini expert on the matter, and would like someone else in the world to appreciate that, besides my professor.